Scripture dating advice
All singles who profess Christ and aspire to marriage — even as a possibility — have this responsibility (even outside this area of life, we should all be trying to grow in Christ). If you’re already sure of that basic answer, are you a growing and mature Christian?Are you generally humble and teachable, and do you respect authority?As a practical matter, are you responsible and holy in the way you possess your own spirit, mind and body?As you move into the stage of life in which you begin to seriously consider marriage generally or a particular relationship, your first step should be to soberly reflect, before God, on your own spiritual walk and maturity in Christ.Finally, let me advocate the initiating of a relationship under some accountability structure.I mentioned the woman’s father or family because until the second half of the 20th century, that’s largely how it was done.As a quick aside, if you are a single man and you would not describe yourself as ready to be married within a year, think about why that is.
Clearly, this is not the popular secular view of the “liberated” woman’s role.
Hollywood’s perfect woman runs with the boys, knows what she wants and is aggressive en route to getting it — especially romantically. “What if I’m really interested in a man and he just isn’t getting it and I need to move him along? When men drop the ball on leadership (as we often do), it presents a temptation for the woman involved to pick up the reins and lead for him. Picking up the reins sets a terrible pattern that only confuses the roles in the relationship and encourages both of you to take the role of the other to the detriment of the relationship and ultimately the marriage. If it doesn’t work out with a particular guy because he didn’t step up, the Lord will cause something else to work out.
Hilariously, Hollywood even writes these characters into period pieces, as if the normal woman at all levels of society in the 18th and 19th centuries was a post-feminist, post-sexual-revolution, “there-ain’t-no-difference-between-me-and-you” libertine. Needless to say, that is not the biblical picture of the responder. Does this mean that a woman should never ask a man out on a first date? Does this mean that a woman shouldn’t give the guy the assurance he needs by “leaking” news of her interest to him by way of his friends? He knows what is best for each of us, and all of us must learn to trust Him — especially about things that are really important to us.
If you’re still in school or not out on your own, disregard this for the moment. Your intentions and your feelings, to the extent that you can discern them and it is appropriate for you to share them, should be clear.
But if you’re out of college and do not feel specifically called to singleness for biblical reasons, why are you not looking to be married? Albert Mohler has talked about a growing culture in society and in our churches of perpetual boyhood; some psychologists call it the “Peter Pan syndrome.” As I said, in the Bible, marriage and family are considered a natural stage of progression toward manhood. Part of your role even at this early stage is to protect the woman of your interest from unnecessary risk and vulnerability by providing a safe context in which she can respond.
See what an unsatisfying bumper-sticker treatment that was? Among the different roles assigned to men and women in the Bible, men are assigned the role of leadership. This is not a signal of male superiority or of the greater importance of men.